self esteem...

mine has been diminishing. rapidly. and i dont know why.
why is it so fucking hard to be a chick? i feel like i used to be such a strong, confident girl.. i know i made a lot of bad decisions in the past year and thats probably why im so down on myself... but now i feel like there's no way i can gain back the way i used to feel.

i know working out and eating healthier would make me feel better about myself but i seriously just have no motivation to do anything about it. does this mean i have severe depression or something? i dont think i do... because im still a generally happy person. im always down to have fun and smile and laugh. i just dont feel great about myself. i know that i dont hate myself at all, i think im a really good person. im not mean and i dont hold grudges or get mad at people ever unless its for a good reason. but i rarely find myself in a situation where someone has done something to me that would actually make me mad. i live by the saying "forgive and forget" its just how i am. lol. so i dont know why i feel so terrible.

i have really mixed feelings about my body and appearance. like.. it doesnt make sense to me. i know im not ugly or fat. i just hate the way i look. i feel like i could look so much better. im so confused and i really dont know what to do. im not a weak enough person to become anorexic or anything like that but im not strong enough to motivate myself to work out.

k well i think i need to stop writing cuz its just making me cry. hahahah