My boyfriend.. And sports center

Why does my boyfriend like watching sports center so much!?!?

I fucking hate that show. He watches it for like...4 hours straight... And I just hafta sit there and watch it...with him....

Ughhhh *shudder* hahahha it's just so fricking boring and uninteresting to me. Plus I don't even know why they hafta talk about sports as much as they do... Like all the stats of random games... Then all the stupid things where they debate about stupid shit like coaches and play makers and ughh hahahah

it's weird almost when you really think about it...
The only good thing that comes of espn is the commercials... They're pretty funny... I just don't get them hahahhaha

I'm watching postgame coverage... Sickkk fmlfmlfmllll

k I'm done. I'm glad noody reads this thing. Hahaha.

religion...

bothers me sooo bad. like i cant even explain it.
do they have athiology classes? is athiology even a word? hahahah i need to look into this.. i may want to be a theologist.. but like an anti theologist. or is it still a theologist? idk. i need to google it hahahahha.

i just found this really funny thing.

The Bible is true because god says so and god is real because the Bible says so and The Bible is true because god says so and god is real because the Bible says so and The Bible is true because god says so and god is real because the Bible says so and The Bible is true because god says so and god is real because the Bible says so.


^ christian logic. so dummyy hehehehehhaaaaa.

dreams!

the past few months ive been having reaaaally vivid dreams and they always seem to take place on the coast like its san francisco and its usually pretty gloomy out and like morning time and theres always a big ass house that i go to. there's like different houses for each dream... and something always happens in the out, outside of the house, and on my way to the house. its really weird... i cant really explain it.

im gonna draw a picture of what my dreams look like...itll take me a while though cuz i wanna perfect it.

but anyway, my dreams have been so vivid that i get them confused with reality. and i always think about them and they trip me out hella bad. i feel like im going crazy!!! dont get me wrong, i love having really detailed crazy dreams that are just ridiculous but its starting to get to the point where sometiems theyre too intense.

like a few nights ago i had a dream that my brother got kidnapped and for some reason i knew he was dead!! it was so sad, i woke up crying.

i need to analyze my dreams i think and compile some info on why ive been having these dreams and what they mean. theyre taking over my life!!! hahah jkkkkk.

self esteem...

mine has been diminishing. rapidly. and i dont know why.
why is it so fucking hard to be a chick? i feel like i used to be such a strong, confident girl.. i know i made a lot of bad decisions in the past year and thats probably why im so down on myself... but now i feel like there's no way i can gain back the way i used to feel.

i know working out and eating healthier would make me feel better about myself but i seriously just have no motivation to do anything about it. does this mean i have severe depression or something? i dont think i do... because im still a generally happy person. im always down to have fun and smile and laugh. i just dont feel great about myself. i know that i dont hate myself at all, i think im a really good person. im not mean and i dont hold grudges or get mad at people ever unless its for a good reason. but i rarely find myself in a situation where someone has done something to me that would actually make me mad. i live by the saying "forgive and forget" its just how i am. lol. so i dont know why i feel so terrible.

i have really mixed feelings about my body and appearance. like.. it doesnt make sense to me. i know im not ugly or fat. i just hate the way i look. i feel like i could look so much better. im so confused and i really dont know what to do. im not a weak enough person to become anorexic or anything like that but im not strong enough to motivate myself to work out.

k well i think i need to stop writing cuz its just making me cry. hahahah