My boyfriend.. And sports center

Why does my boyfriend like watching sports center so much!?!?

I fucking hate that show. He watches it for like...4 hours straight... And I just hafta sit there and watch it...with him....

Ughhhh *shudder* hahahha it's just so fricking boring and uninteresting to me. Plus I don't even know why they hafta talk about sports as much as they do... Like all the stats of random games... Then all the stupid things where they debate about stupid shit like coaches and play makers and ughh hahahah

it's weird almost when you really think about it...
The only good thing that comes of espn is the commercials... They're pretty funny... I just don't get them hahahhaha

I'm watching postgame coverage... Sickkk fmlfmlfmllll

k I'm done. I'm glad noody reads this thing. Hahaha.

religion...

bothers me sooo bad. like i cant even explain it.
do they have athiology classes? is athiology even a word? hahahah i need to look into this.. i may want to be a theologist.. but like an anti theologist. or is it still a theologist? idk. i need to google it hahahahha.

i just found this really funny thing.

The Bible is true because god says so and god is real because the Bible says so and The Bible is true because god says so and god is real because the Bible says so and The Bible is true because god says so and god is real because the Bible says so and The Bible is true because god says so and god is real because the Bible says so.


^ christian logic. so dummyy hehehehehhaaaaa.

dreams!

the past few months ive been having reaaaally vivid dreams and they always seem to take place on the coast like its san francisco and its usually pretty gloomy out and like morning time and theres always a big ass house that i go to. there's like different houses for each dream... and something always happens in the out, outside of the house, and on my way to the house. its really weird... i cant really explain it.

im gonna draw a picture of what my dreams look like...itll take me a while though cuz i wanna perfect it.

but anyway, my dreams have been so vivid that i get them confused with reality. and i always think about them and they trip me out hella bad. i feel like im going crazy!!! dont get me wrong, i love having really detailed crazy dreams that are just ridiculous but its starting to get to the point where sometiems theyre too intense.

like a few nights ago i had a dream that my brother got kidnapped and for some reason i knew he was dead!! it was so sad, i woke up crying.

i need to analyze my dreams i think and compile some info on why ive been having these dreams and what they mean. theyre taking over my life!!! hahah jkkkkk.

self esteem...

mine has been diminishing. rapidly. and i dont know why.
why is it so fucking hard to be a chick? i feel like i used to be such a strong, confident girl.. i know i made a lot of bad decisions in the past year and thats probably why im so down on myself... but now i feel like there's no way i can gain back the way i used to feel.

i know working out and eating healthier would make me feel better about myself but i seriously just have no motivation to do anything about it. does this mean i have severe depression or something? i dont think i do... because im still a generally happy person. im always down to have fun and smile and laugh. i just dont feel great about myself. i know that i dont hate myself at all, i think im a really good person. im not mean and i dont hold grudges or get mad at people ever unless its for a good reason. but i rarely find myself in a situation where someone has done something to me that would actually make me mad. i live by the saying "forgive and forget" its just how i am. lol. so i dont know why i feel so terrible.

i have really mixed feelings about my body and appearance. like.. it doesnt make sense to me. i know im not ugly or fat. i just hate the way i look. i feel like i could look so much better. im so confused and i really dont know what to do. im not a weak enough person to become anorexic or anything like that but im not strong enough to motivate myself to work out.

k well i think i need to stop writing cuz its just making me cry. hahahah

you can't sit still

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i hate work
i forgot i had this thingy for a minute there hahahah
i dont know what to writee right nowww.

my "friends" and etc.

sooooo as i sit here, alone, on a friday night, im thinking.......who are my real friends? i feel like i only have 2 or 3 REAL friends. and all the other people, like my aquaintances and stuff are getting really boring and i want to meet a whole new group of people.

there's less than 10 people that i talk to on a regular basis, like everday or every couple days. those are the people that i wanna keep forever. and i just wanna meet new people now.

i also miss a few of my old friends. actually just one. she's not my old friend, cuz she's still my friend but we dont hang out as much as we used to and it sucks. i miss her so much! her name is devin. hahaha. ever since i left rio ive seen less and less of her and it saddens me a lot. i need a car so i can visit her!

okayaaaayy so here's the "etc." part of the blog:

my new physical self.
its gonna be a lot different in a couple months because im gonna start working out a lot! i may be hawt now, but soon im gonna be like pussy cat doll statssssssss. thats my plan. PUSSY CAT DOLLS!!! i love 'em.
theyre my inspiration!!! gahh okay.



and im probably gonna get my nose pierced soon. like the side. and i might dye my hair like darker brown. but thats it. im just tryna change cuz my life has been pretty mundaine. its rather annoying.

okaaaaaaaay im outtie for now. im tired. peeece.

the new year

i hate to bring in the new year being sick, i hope its not a forecast of the future...hahahha.
well my new years eve night was INSAANE.
sal's party was pretty crazy, shit got super duper hyphy...haha i love max! he made the party awesome by literally and physically throwing jessica milligan out onto the front yard. HAHAHAHAHH.

well we had a lot of cleaning to do on January 1, 2009 but we successfully cleaned the whole house...me and izzy scrubbed the floor on our hands and knees for like an hour. but we drank some beers to pass the time...hahaha.

we came up on SOOO much shit after the party, like fresh packs of cigarettes (which we dont care about at all) and like 931857 beers and half a handle of captain morgan. and an almost full bottle of brandy. hahha hyphyyy.

but yeah, this new year will be a lot different than last. 2008 was a bomb ass year, but i fucked up real bad, so i need to redeem myself.

less partying
aka less drinking, less smoking weed and absolutely no cigarettes. the cigarette part wont be hard cuz i rarely smoke them, but just cuz theyre gross im never going to again!
hahaha.

gah. my head is so stuffy. and im so sniffly. i should go to sleep cuz i hafta wake up early and go to the snow with my familia!

goodbyee.